I Remember

I Remember…

I remember that it was a bright and shining day
I remember the sun smiling through the windshield of the car
And that the wind curled its ribbons around us in the front seat.

I remember while we drove, slicing through space and time,
I remember the radio and flipping happily through the stations
And the Doctor whose name I have forgotten speaking to us.

I remember that he spoke of families and the importance of family unity
I remember that he stressed the idea of quality time versus quantity.
And his voice scolded and admonished and cautioned.

I remember I turned to you in your car seat like the throne of a princess
I remember you dressed in pink and lace, an angel with a sippy cup.
And I wondered if I was worthy. A mother’s fear.

I remember I asked you, what would you remember when you grew up?
I remember I asked- what would you remember about mommy someday?
And again I wondered, had I done enough, tried enough, planned enough.

I remember in that moment that I considered the possibilities,
I remember the sudden stillness as the sun and wind and I waited for the answer
And I thought of what you might reply.

I remember thinking- playing in the sandbox shaped like a turtle
I remember thinking- warming the towels at bath time, fresh from the dryer
Or making cookies, or cuddling, or playing pretend.

I remember you answered without thought or consideration
I remember watching your smiling lips unhesitatingly form the words
The answer to what would you remember about mommy;

You loving me. You said.
And I remember thanking God for your five-year-old wisdom

-Teresa Taylor

Mom’s Note: I wrote this poem while I was teaching my class poetry unit and had it on my computer when Tara came into my class room as she so often did. She read the poem and I’ll never as long as I live forget the look, the smile, as she said “That’s about me!” Her poem “Ode to Mommy” was a direct response to this poem. She read that poem aloud during her own class poetry project.
After she’d read the poem that day, she texted me and told me that she’d been thinking about it and asked me if she had disappointed me- I answered her then and I answer now- Never. Did we always agree? No. Did I sometimes think that I wanted her to do things different than she decided to do them? Just like all moms, sure. But disappointed in her? Never- never in you, baby.